So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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