please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
