I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
