I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
