Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just cut my nipple shaving
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize