I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry about my life...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
