You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize