It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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