Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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