Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
