You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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