the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
