Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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