Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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