Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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