let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
