Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
