I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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