Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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