So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
