I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
vagina is talking i cant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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