You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
