he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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