Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time