Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I wish my penis had an off switch

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  (586): I wish my penis had an off switch http://tfl.nu/bdrc
  Replies (5) Good night (834) Bad night (961)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.

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  (412): When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career. http://tfl.nu/solb
  Replies (2) Good night (698) Bad night (2127)
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  (415): View more from California

  Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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  (415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996
  Replies (22) Good night (4643) Bad night (657)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

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  (270): So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/0mbm
  Replies (20) Good night (5283) Bad night (759)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?

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  (608): This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form? http://tfl.nu/l7lr
  Replies (108) Good night (1450) Bad night (4857)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.

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  (201): halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them. http://tfl.nu/b2tk
  Replies (33) Good night (4745) Bad night (794)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You kept calling me your small dog last night.

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  (201): You kept calling me your small dog last night. http://tfl.nu/02jw
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (2929)
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  (661): View more from California

  We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex

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  (661): We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex http://tfl.nu/uikr
  Replies (23) Good night (882) Bad night (7560)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This house was built for laser tag.

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  (336): This house was built for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/32ag
  Replies (14) Good night (9033) Bad night (719)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th

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  (952): Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th http://tfl.nu/jcqw
  Replies (5) Good night (2747) Bad night (1050)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.

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  (931): Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult. http://tfl.nu/v17w
  Replies (10) Good night (1377) Bad night (557)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before

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  (480): I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before http://tfl.nu/7hf6
  Replies (12) Good night (903) Bad night (1658)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central

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  (248): What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central http://tfl.nu/56qr
  Replies (2) Good night (1178) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.

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  (484): dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow. http://tfl.nu/dkso
  Replies (7) Good night (1383) Bad night (513)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.

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  (770): You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of. http://tfl.nu/9xxo
  Replies (3) Good night (575) Bad night (351)

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