His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this