I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious