Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street