I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?