well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"