I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
