Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
