I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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