Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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