Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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