And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
