This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
