Your face is a jimmy john
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
