If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
