Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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