Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
