Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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