Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
