i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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