I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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