I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
