He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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