dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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