You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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