I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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