so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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