God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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