I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
