wat bout pragnant strippers??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
