you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
