One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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