Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
