True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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