Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
