Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
