1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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