Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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