i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
