My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
