So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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